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Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts Workbook for Men: Nine Questions to Ask Before--And After--You Remarry
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Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts Workbook for Men 9780310275848
How to Use This Workbook
We have seen many couples who marry and then wait to see what will happen. This workbook is a tool to help you make the right things happen. Its brief exercises and activities, to be completed as you read through Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts, come from our work in counseling couples and are proven strategies for enriching and developing your relationship. Too often, reading a book can lead to great ideas, but little action. This workbook will help you put feet on the ideas and put them into action. And we believe you will enjoy it! As Shakespeare said, “Joy’s soul lies in the doing.”
This workbook is to be used in conjunction with your wife’s — there is one designed for men and one for women — and it is important that each of you have your own copy. For the best results, each of you should work on the exercises separately, then meet together to discuss your answers.
While there is no one right way to use this workbook, we suggest that you complete the exercises as you encounter them in the book, or soon after you have finished reading the chapter that covers the exercise. In other words, try to complete the exercises for that chapter before moving on to the next one. The point is to integrate the exercises into the process of reading the book. Some of the exercises are designed to be used again and again, helping you continue to improve your communication, for example, or deepen your sense of intimacy. Others are more of a one-shot exercise and are exploratory in nature.
As you work through the pages of this book, make it your own.
Don’t get too hung up on following the rules. If a particular exercise leads you down a more intriguing path, take it. Some of these exercises may simply serve as springboards to discussions that fit your style more appropriately. However, if an exercise seems a bit challenging, don’t give up on it. As the saying goes, anything worth having is worth working for. In any case, the goal of this workbook is not simply to fortify your reading of Saving Your Second Marriage Before It Starts — the goal is to apply it, to make it real.
The Remarriage Motivation Test
On a scale of 1 to 10, rate how much of a factor each of the following motivators are for you to get married. Take time to consider each item, and be as honest as possible.
1. Love at first sight is a factor in why I’m ready to get married again.
Not at All True Extremely True of Me
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
2. Rebounding from the pain of a previous marriage is a factor in my motivation for this second marriage.
Not at All True Extremely True of Me
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
3. Rebellion against my ex-wife is a factor in my motivation.
Not at All True Extremely True of Me
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
4. Loneliness contributes to my reasons for getting married again.
Not at All True Extremely True of Me
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
5. A sense of obligation is a factor in motivating me to marry.
Not at All True Extremely True of Me
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
6. Financial advancement is a part of my decision to get remarried.
Not at All True Extremely True of Me
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
7. Sexual attraction is a factor driving me to get married at this time.
Not at All True Extremely True of Me
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
8. Escape from an unhappy first marriage is causing me to want to get married again.
Not at All True Extremely True of Me
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
9. Pressure from others has something to do with why I am getting married again.
Not at All True Extremely True of Me
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Scoring: Add up your score from each of the nine items. There are ninety possible points on this test. Add ten to your score. If your score is fifty or less, you can rest easy in the fact that you are probably not getting remarried for some of the most common negative reasons. If your score is greater than twenty-five, you will certainly want to do some soul-searching on your own and with your partner about the items that you ranked highest. We also strongly suggest talking about these motivators with an objective counselor.
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Meet the author:
Leslie Parrott
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